Have you ever thought about what those two words mean? To live, and to exist?

Over the last 9 months, I have just existed. I have hardly had a life, or one that I have been happy with. I'm not ill, nor have I had anything terribly bad happen to me, but I'm just not satisfied with the way my life has turned out.

Last year I ended university on a complete high, rounding off exams with an amazing summer abroad- 3 months in the USA, New Zealand and Spain. Then, like reaching the top of a rollercoaster, I was slammed back down to earth when I started my new course.

Teetering over the edge, just before the 'coaster lets you go, well, that's exiciting. You close your eyes, but find yourself peeping out. A little nervous, a little bit of intrepidation, but most of all, excited. That's how I started my new course. I had a new start in a new town, new people, new subject. And it started off okay. I got on well with my housemate, and I was looking forward to having a really good year, much like those I had experienced at university.

It did start off like that. But over the months, things changed. I missed my friends in London, my friends at my new course didnt live near, and so socialising was hard. Then I ran out of money.

Money. Money and I have a love-hate relationship. I hate the way money dictates everyone- we all need money to live, and I've seen so many people pushed into jobs/careers that they dislike just because they need the money. I hate the fact that although I've been to university, studying like thousands of people all over the country to make this country and this world a better place in which to live in the future, yet we are punished for this by being plunged into thousands of pounds worth of debt.

I know the Government says that a graduate end up making much more money over their lifetime than their degree-less counterparts, but I don't think that is the issue. The issue is that students at this very minute in their lives cannot afford to eat, can't afford to pay the rent or bills. What good is it to tell someone who is flat broke and can't pay their rent that they will earn more money in the long run. The point is they have nothing now. And then what do you do?

2 weeks before Christmas, I was flat broke. My tuition fees had to be paid in 5 days, and I had nothing. Overdraft limit reached, savings gone, credit cards with about £20 between them. My tuition fees were £1200. How the hell was I supposed to pay them? The post-grad course I'm on is slightly different to university, in that you would be thrown off the course if the fees weren't paid on time. No excuses, no sob stories, no promise of cash after Christmas once you've sold all your presents on e-bay. No. That was it. Money or leave. That's what education in this country has turned into today. An ultimatum decided by money. It makes me feel sad just even thinking about it...